


Supernatural Cherubs

by Blobbyswinger69



Category: Crack fiction - Fandom, Rugrats, Supernatural, Supernatural crossover - Fandom, crack - Fandom
Genre: Crack, F/M, J2, M/M, Multi, SPN - Freeform, Supernatural Crossover, rugrats - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-16
Updated: 2013-12-16
Packaged: 2018-01-04 19:08:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1084667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blobbyswinger69/pseuds/Blobbyswinger69
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Misha and crew receives a mysterious call, which tells them to murder their kids for publicity. The Rugrats fight back. Extreme mega crack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Big fans with big plans

**Author's Note:**

> Me and a friend pulled an all nighter and were bored out of our minds. We found Misha Collins number and decided to call it. We didn't know what to say until this popped into my mind. Enjoy, lots of crack.

Misha pushed Westly into his high chair and sat at the small trash wooden table. The house was as dark and dreary as homeless shelter. West picked up his plastic bowl and eagerly began to bang it. A normal family would find this obnoxious, but to Misha, this was music to his ears. Victoria quickly placed a questionable plate of green beans onto the crap table. Family diners were mostly quiet in the Collins family and consisted of Misha trying to crack jokes. Victoria would always fake a laugh because he was famous and he made the money, that was only reason why she was with him in the first place.  
He procured a small spoon and began to shove the hot steamy green beans into West's mouth. It took moments for the child to open his mouth and allow his sick estranged father to feed him. But soon he gave in and opened his mouth. West slowly began to chew. Just as Misha got his hopes up, the tot spit up the food and began to laugh.  
Misha whipped his perspiring forehead from frustration and sat back. Just as his eyes began to shut, the ear splitting phone began to ring. Since Misha was on TV, he knew better then to pick up random calls, so the lonely family waited for the phone to ring out and go to voicemail. The phone rang, and rang, and rang until it finally timed out. The voice mail began:  
"H-hi Misha Collins?" The voice was staticy "I just wanted to say, I'm your biggest fan! You're such an inspira-" Misha quickly answered the phone, he loved his fans.  
"Hello?" He made his Castiel voice to enchante the fan. Holding the cold phone to his ear, Misha waited for response. The voice quickly changed into a darker tone.  
"Misha, go into the other room, make sure no one is listening". Misha obeyed, he quickly moved into the filthy kitchen, this was mostly due to his 'Cooking with West' TV show which was every other day. He then put the phone in the crease between his shoulder and his neck as he closed door behind him.   
"You're losing popularity Misha" the voice stated. Misha let out a hefty sigh, he knew this very well.  
"I know" he mumbled so low, it was surprising his caller could hear him. "Supernatural's gone down since season 6" Misha didn't like the topic of his decelerating job.  
"Misha?" The voice began, darker than before.  
"Yes?"  
"Have you ever heard about publicity stunts?" Misha was baffled by the suggestion of the anonymous caller.  
"I'm not going to divorce my wife" Misha growled, he peaked through the door and looked at his wife, her glasses glimmered in the cheap over head lamp. Her greasy hair slicked tight behind her ears, just the way he liked it. He shut the door gently.  
"Misha, you need to kill Westly" the voice was as subtle as Lucifer. Misha froze to the phone. speechless, he attempted to take deep breaths. "Just think about it Misha Collins, everyone will know your name" there was a faint beep and the anonymous caller hung up. The Russian freakshow put down the phone, it hit the table harder than he expected thus shattering the layaway phone from Walmart. He ran to the dripping sink and began to furiously wash his face with his shivering hands. Looking up from his wet hands, he smashed all the Little Bear toothpaste off the sink along with Westlys Elmo toothbrush.  
Thankfully Victoria was in the other room when Misha returned. West was finally sitting peacefully in his happy highchair. His bowl of green beans were almost finished, mostly due to half of them being thrown on the floor. His long blonde hair hung down to his shoulders gleaming in the light. There was no emotion on Misha's face, he had to do it. He needed to help Vicky and the new bae. Misha picked up the cooking knife from the kitchen counter as he walked, ever so quietly, towards his first born son.  
He lifted the silver gleaming blade above Wesley's head. Before his father could slash into his brains, he spun around in his high chair.  
"DADDY?" shrieked the snot nosed toddler. West picked up his bowl of green beans and threw it at his dad. Misha took a step back to balance himself, but ended up slipping on one of the fallen green beans. Losing all sorts of control, the murderous father hit his head on the counterl, putting him unconscious in a pile of spilt green beans. West climbed out of his happy high hair, leaving his father lying on the cold hard ground. West jumped from his high chair and ran into his room, passing his mother quietly as she slept on the couch. Westley pulled out his red Little Tyke cell phone.  
. . .  
Genevieve took the hot, still popping, popcorn out of the microwave. Their house was far more expensive than Misha’s. Obviously, we know who’s the better actor. She brought the buttered popcorn into the living room, its odor filling the air, and placed it in between herself and Jared.   
Watching him grab gigantic handfuls with his huge meaty claws and stuffing them in his mouth, She occasionally would take a picture and post it on twitter. This was her only way to feel famous herself.  
Tom, snuggling in between them, would catch the falling kernels and shove them in his mouth. Genevieve also took pictures of that as well. The child chewed obnoxiously, greedly shoving more and more popcorn in his mouth. His mother took pictures until her iPhone denied any more.   
The family’s enjoyment was soon compromised when the phone began to ring. Jared stood up, wiping his hands on his jeans.  
“Hello?” He said in mid chew, sucking the popcorn kernels out of his glimmering teeth. Jared twitched his tired brown eyes towards his son. Gen waved at her husband over ecstatically, but Jared ignored and quickly walked into the other room. She awkwardly smiled at Tom, looking away from his mother, Tom went back to stuffing his face with the fallen popcorn. But soon there was another ring.  
Tom hesitated, looking quickly up towards   
Genevieve, who was too absorbed in her tweets to notice. Tom rolled off the stained couch and towards his play room. In the hallway, Tom herd faint murmurs coming from his fathers office. He's probably talking to uncle Jensen. For some reason, they're phone calls were always hushed. Tom thought to himself, as he climbed over the playroom gate.  
Tommy hadn't been called on his play   
phone in years, that phase was beyond over. He searched the entire room, letting the ringing guide him, until finally finding it. He hesitantly picked up the plastic phone.  
"Bae-Pad do you copy" the voice   
screamed." Bae-Pad, do you copy?  
Tommy sighed and answered."This is.   
Bae-Pad I copy, state your crew name and emergency."  
"This is Bae-Collins, I would like to state   
a: Blue 6 code of emergency"  
"State your reasoning."  
"Alpha-Collins received an anonymous tip   
to regaining his power 021 hours ago. Alpha believes now that if he murderes us, then he will gain popularity. Dispatch believes Alpha-Padalecki and Ackles has received calls as well" Bae-Collins panted. Tommy regarded his father's recent phone call. "Dispatch wants you here, now." Tom groans and hangs up. A stubby hand massaged his face, there was a reason he quit.   
. . .   
The darkness of the night consumed Tommy as he rode down the street on his red trike, after all the things he did for his enormous father. He scowled to himself . The stress of his secret job was too much for the kid, he needed to hold down the fort and make sure Jared didn't break Genevieve. He had to constantly reff his parents in bed, and call technical fouls every two minutes to make sure his mom wasn't dying.  
. . .  
"-And then Dean left the girl alone and pregnant, just like every other guy on the face of the planet. THE END" Jensen smiled and closed the book as he kissed his daughter goodnight. He pulled the bright pink comforter over justice jay, leaving only her head. Her father then placed the book back onto the shelf and blew one last kiss as he shut the door. On that peaceful note, she shut her eyes and fell asleep quickly. As Jensen walked down the hall to his own bedroom, the familiar phone began to ring.  
. . .  
Tommy waited patiently in the tree house, its only light came from a single lantern which hung over his bald head. He sat in the largest of the chairs, waiting for his crew. His fingers tapped furiously on the armrest. Every now and then, his eyes shot out the window, searching for help or danger. His concentration was averted when there was a coded knock on the wooden floor panel.  
Tommy lifted his chubby body from his chair. "password?" He ordered, even though the knocks confirmed it was one of his posse. The knocker let out a sigh.  
"All Hail Reptar." Chanted Westly. The wooden door opened and granted access to the club house. Westly climbed up with Justice on his shoulders and set her down in the smallest chair. She was bleeding from several different locations due to thousands of lacerations which riddled her body. Her pink shirt was stained with blood, along with her face which was stained with pain.  
"What happened?" Shrieked Tommy.  
"Alpha-Ackles tried to put her in the dishwasher" Westly answered darkly, squeezing her hand to make sure she was okay.   
Tommy pulled his tool case out of his diaper and set it up on the table. West went up to take a look, dragging broken Justice along with him. Tommy set up numerous intercoms and different devices.  
"Vshsbdbnd...BASE UNDER ATTACK.. Vagsgsvsbh" The technology sizzled and beeped its finale words.  
"Tommy, we gots to contact despatch" urged West.  
"I'm tryin" he hissed, but no matter how hard he tried, the machinery refused to come back to life. Tom fell back into his chair and exhaled deeply.  
"You know what this means" Justice smirked, she put a machete into Tommy's stubby hands. "we have to take the law into our own hands"   
\------------------------------  
"We got to start off small" Tommy whispered to the giggling kids. The street was as dark as their plans. He exchanged his handy screwdriver with Westly’s machete. The weight of the large knife felt good in his child hands, a sense of power pulsed through his body. With this new sense of strength, the children schemed a plan till they finally reached the Padalecki household.  
Genevieve was taking selfies by the mailbox, she outstretched her tongue in order to get a goofy effect.  
"Hey Genevieve" Justice called " Can I have your autograph?" Genevieve immediately put her phone down. The smile across her face showed every one of her glimmering teeth.  
"Sure!" She ran up to the small child, she had already kept paper and pens in her pocket, just in case. As she pulled out her pen, Tommy sneaked behind her. His machete gleamed in the full moonlight. The shimmer from his weapon shined on Justice's face, causing Genevieve to twirl around.  
"Tom? Where have you been!?!" Her faced showed as if she was relieved. He lifted the heavy machete to his shoulder then stabbed it straight into her stomach. He chose this way precisely so she could die slow. Tears overflowed her dark eyes as she fell to her knees.  
"Why" she mouthed, too in pained to speak.  
"People fall every day" he leaned in and kissed her face" today was yours" with that, she fell to the ground with a light thud. Tom wiped all the blood off his large knife onto her jacket and walked along.


	2. Injustice calls

The phone rang, Jensen looked over at the phone and was too scared to pick it up. He failed. He failed and now he's never going to become a superstar. The phone rang again. His hands cupped his green eyes to hold back the tears. The phone rang again, this time Jensen sucked it up and picked up the phone.  
"Hello?" His voice was shaky but still deep.  
"Jay! I can't find Gen!" Jared gasped.  
"Jared? What happened"   
"I can't find her"  
"You mean" he paused" she's gone"  
"Yeah"  
"I'll be over in 5"

Jared answered the door eagerly before Jensen could even knock. His face shined with sweat.  
"Come in" Jared's voice was low.   
"Well" Jensen was looking around the house. "What happened".  
"It deosnt matter she's gone." Jared's smile stretched across his face. Jensen caught the cue and took a step closer to Jared, grabbing his face in his rough hands. Jared leaned his face against his palm, still smiling. Jensen pulled Jared closer, smashing their lips together.  
\--------------------------------------------

"That felt good" shivered Justice. Tommy laughed at the though of how cruel justice could be.   
"First time" he scoffed, sharpening his machete.  
"I've never killed anyone before" she giggled, showing Westly how mutilated her innocence was. He scoffed. Tommy hadn't realized he was listening.  
"What's that you got there west" said Tommy turning their attention towards the large sack he sat on. Westly looked down with shame. He obviously didn't want them to know. "I'll say it again, what's in the bag?" Tommy growled. West slowly dumped the bag onto the ground, revealing a bleeding carcass.  
"Is that-" justice began.  
"....Victoria." Toms face was nonchalant, at least he was getting the job done.  
\----------------------------------------------  
Jensen snuggled deeper into Jared's bare chest, his spiky hair tickled Jared's neck. Jared began to stroke his head, mostly to get his spiky hair away from him. for once it was peaceful. No longer did they have to dread their wives walking in. But not for long.  
There was hard slams on the door. "Jared open up!" Screamed a voice, it didn't take long for them to notice it was Misha. Jared panicked, he couldn't open the door naked with Jensen. Before he could make a move the door opened.  
Misha's eyes were wider than the Pacific Ocean. Without words, he turned and ran out the door.  
"No, Misha wait!" Jared quickly sprang out of the bed and ran out the door, if misha told anyone he would kill him. Jensen just laid back in the comfy bed, regarding the past couple of hours and smiling. He closed his tired eyes.  
Apparently he had fallen asleep because when he looked at his watch it was 3:56 am. But he was confused, not because of the time, but because of his location. His eyes were groggy, but his arms were restricted on rubbing them. He blinked and his vision was cleared to see a small child standing in front of him.  
“Howdy” Tommy barked with his machete behind his back. Tommy was a small kid, so Jensen could see the large knife behind the child.  
"Hey...Tommy! Whatcha got there" he made his baby voice topped along with his inviting smile.  
"Why uncie Jensen, you mean this" he pulled out the rusted stained machete" he returned a smile, then threw the knife onto the ground " I'm not using this"  
"That's a relief" he giggled awkwardly, he knew he was still in big trouble. Tommy then pulled out a small pocket sized Clorox bleach container. "What you gonna burn my skin" Jensen mocked but still showed fear.  
"Not really" Tommy stabbed a needle into the bleach and filled it to 20ml "but this will burn"  
Jensen flinched against the ropes that tied him to the chair. Tommy stabbed the needle into his jugular. Alfa ackles screamed in misery as the child left him to slowly die.  
\-------------------------------------------------------  
the phone rang out till it went to voicemail. “Danny you there? Danny please pick up!” Jared shouted into the phone. Daneel jumped of the bed and picked up the phone.  
“Jared? whats wrong”  
“I can't find Jensen, he was here and now -”  
“so he's” she paused “gone?”  
“yeah”  
"i'll be over in 5."  
Danneel Harris sat in her car, waiting for the red light to flash green at any moment. Looking away from the wretched road, she turned her attention towards the mirror. She was flawless, except for the tiny blemish next to the crease in her lips. Her attention was then put onto riding it.  
Before she could finish, the lazy light flashed green. Not thinking she quickly put her foot on the gas; still focused on removing her blemish. The car rapidly accelerated forward. The loud thump quickly averted her motives. Westly laid limp in front of the car, his beautiful locks covered his face.  
"Oh my god" she cried "Westly! What were you doing? Oh my god" her sobs clobbered her words.  
"Returning a favor" he jabbed the screw driver Tommy gave him straight into her no longer beating heart. She fell onto her side; crimson blood leaking from her blemish free mouth. He picked up her ankle and dragged her to the hid out  
West threw the recent kill into the pile, to him, Danneel never looked better.  
"Good job Collins" Tommy gave him a hard unsuspected pat on the back. West smiled darkly at his success. As Tommy was congratulating his second in command there was another set of knocks on the door.  
“All Hail Reptar!” Justice yelled through the door. Tommy looked away from West and opened the door to see her carrying a man at least 6 times her height.  
“I’m impressed, you bagged Jared?” Tommy laughed, drowning in his own wonder. “I wanted to save dad for last"  
"Well, what happened?" Westly demanded.  
“Im glad you asked, this was a great hit” she shot her green eyes over at West “ so neanderthal was sitting on the couch, waiting for sugar tits. He was wearing nothing but a skimpy towel; it matched the drapes. So hes sitting there, right. I'm in the other room, looking for something to grab him with; I couldn't handle this beast with nothing.  
"Right as I was gonna grab some rope, the shit for brains gotta take a piss. So I'm there like 'oh shit'. So I hide behind the corner. Right as the little bitch rounded the corner, bang! Tits and chocolate."  
"That's not what happened" the bag spoke, Tommy near shat his pants.  
"Oh ya, he's still alive" Justice added, Jared then proceded to poke his enormous head out of the bag. Justice smirked at Tommy. "I knew you wanted to handle him".  
"Thanks Jay" his smile was sincere, his attention then flew to Jared. "Hi daddy".  
"Tom, baby what are you doing. Daddy doesn't like this game of yours" jared was scares out of his jock strap.  
"Oh daddy, you still think this is a game" Tommy slashed a razor over his face, mopping the blood with a lemon wedge. Jared screamed bloody murder. "Even if it was, you started it."  
He threw the bloody wedge onto the ground and walked over to the table, an aray of 'toys' were sprawled out. A blow dryer caught his eyes.  
"What are you gonna do?" He wimpered "Tom please! Don't do this, this is bad" Tommy only laughed, oh how the cards have changed. Tommy taped his fathers nose and ears shut, then attached the blow dryer into Jared's mouth.  
Jared said something to Tommy but due to his mouth ocupation, there was nothing but gaged screams. Tommy pressed the device on HIGH and watched his father blow up.  
\-------------------------------------------

Domestic misha squated in the middle of his living room, his cheiff hat slightly tilted on his head. The wind from the open window jussled his feathers. The man could sense his undeniable doom.   
The door began to raddle and shake, Misha made his way to the back right corner of the small living space. It reeked of old mazzeralla on a deep Sumer weekend. Before misha could meet the closet his barrier fell to the ground.   
Tommy entered with his rusty mechete in his chubby hand, the streetlight gleamed behind him. The child thrusted up the sharp weapon and slashed misha side temple, severing his ear.  
"You should 'gough' see a doctor" bursted Westly, the whole possy began to laugh, As all three kids tied up the creten.  
He clenched against the ropes.   
"West don't do this to papa" slobbered misha, drenched with acid tears. West yanked out a curling iron and shoved it into papas ear.  
"HOLY CHRIST" hollared misha, his scream turned into a bloody spat from so much pain. West soothed his father with a bucket of hot Oxy clean. Misha could no longer hollow.  
After countless minutes of rithing in the it ichy ropes misha gurgled "why are you doing this".  
"We're not doing anything, hard nipples" crooned tommy" you guys attacked us"  
"Ya" echoad justice  
"We had to, kids" he wined. "Papa needed his job, to help his kids"  
"How would killing us help" sobbed west  
"The anonymous caller told us: if we kill you, we will be famouse"  
"WHO WOULD SAY THAT" belowed the kids.  
Anouther child hiding in the corner came out clapping.  
"Who are you" spat misha. The girl laughed.  
"Anjolica" tommy shrieked.  
"Oh just call me JO"  
"Why are you doing this Jo?" West's heart was broken.  
"We'll, somebody needed to fuck with you dumb babies" she yelled


End file.
